goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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