apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
