Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
