I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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