wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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