my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
