I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
