Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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