oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
