the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
