Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
