I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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