so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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