he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
