HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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