I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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