Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
