There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
