Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
