not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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