the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
