and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
