You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
