I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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