For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
