He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize
