Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
