I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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