a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
