just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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