Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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