you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
