I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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