You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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