She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
