well you can't waste a boner
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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