closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
