do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
