Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
