splinters make it hard to masturbate
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
