Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
