i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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