Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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