We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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