question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will be naked everywhere
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
