that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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