You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
