she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
