Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
