You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My ass is underappreciated
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
